Psychosis
by QueenTiria
Summary: Natsume had lost everything: his life, his body, his mind. Until she came, and now he had put her in mortal danger. What is insanity? What defines 'murder? And how can you justify the worth of a life? Alternate History. Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**My Question:**

In 9 out of 10 canon (kinda) fanfiction I read, it is almost guaranteed that an adjective or synonym for Natsume is pyromaniac. The word had become so popularised that many people with fire magic, like Natsume are referred to as a pyromaniac. But they are not. Pyromania is a clinical condition where a person uncontrollably sets things on fire. It occurs in male children predominately, and can be cured at an early age through counselling and behaviour modification. It's extremely rare (less than 1% in psychiatric hospitals or something, according to Wikipedia) and is actually a mental illness.

So, what if Natsume IS a pyromaniac? What if the metaphor is true? Well, this is my interpretation...

**Note:** I actually know nothing about psychology, or pyromania except for the cursory glance at Wikipedia. But it's nice to pretend. ^^

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Gakuen Alice, Ruka and Hotaru would actually fall in love, the manga would be less confusing, and there would be at least 3 seasons of the anime already. And Natsume would've kissed Mikan in the anime. And they would be 16. So obviously, I don't own Gakuen Alice. The song is _Hear You Me_ by Jimmy Eat World.

**Oh**... and please pay attention to the timeline, to avoid confusion of course. It's going to go through 11 years in 14,000 words, which is quite fast, apparently.

EDIT: In the section '4 years ago from present day' Ruka wasn't there. So he didn't hear Natsume and Mikan's verbal combat, and neither of them told him about it. Why? Well, *randomly searches for a plot device* Ruka is at the cowshed (because every boarding school needs a cowshed) milking cows, in a dress, apron and a _kapp_. Yep, he's secretly an Amish transvestite. But then again, this is a plot device so please ignore everything I've just said. ^^

_

* * *

_

What would you think of me now?

_So lucky so strong so proud,_

_I've never said thankyou for that,_

_Now I'll never have a chance._

_May Angels lead you in…_

The smoke was billowing thickly into the small attic, creeping under the almost red hot door. In the far corner of her small wooden room the terrified girl curled into a tight ball, watching the iron escape with quiet horror. She pushed back her sweaty hair; the heat was almost unbearable. Her breath came in short gasps, trying to inhale clean oxygen that the poisonous air lacks. Her blurred vision rested for a moment upon the dusty, wedged shut and impossibly small, square of glass, too fatigued to move. She was so, so tired.

_I'm going to die_, she realised, too tired to contemplate death. She was too tired to even breathe, let along trying to lift open the small window, which was stuck firmly closed with years of layered dust and grime.

She coughed violently, and as if by magic, her wall exploded in a cloud of dust and sound. Cool air embraced her body, and she saw the blurry outline of _his_ face pass by just before she fell off the edge of consciousness.

_I knew you would come..._

…………………………………………………

**11 years from present day**

Numbly standing on the crumbly asphalt, the little boy's soles of his tender feet burned on the empty tar road. Black smoke stretched into sky, the dark clouds swallowing them up. It was so sudden, but now that he fought down his own mental monster, he shook with terror. Sirens wailed, deaf to his ears, towering policemen and nurses blurred past. The boy could catch strains of their voices, some horrified, some shocked, some even disappointed. And although he was only five years old, Natsume understood.

"…_believe it? A five-year old, how are they gonna put that kid in jail?'_

"…_poor thing, it must be so shocking…"_

"…_killed his own family! My god, who could've thought…"_

"…_a five year old kid, his hands already stained with the murder…"_

His throat caught as the last sentence passing through his numb mind.

"…_murdered his own family…"_

The fire was intense; the rushed heroes could only barely contain it. His neighbours were all out on the street, huddled into little whispering groups, gathering into their families for warmth. Natsume turned away, envious. Tears pricked in his eyes as he watched his home burn down, before looking up into the Heavens, silently apologising.

_Mommy, Daddy, Aoi…_

_I'm sorry…_

And so the little boy broke down, and as his frail body wracked with sobs, he lost his final footing on reality, and fell.

…………………………………………………

**Present Day, 10 minutes earlier**

_It's happening again_.

He watched in horror as the tall dormitory swayed under the brunt of the fire. _His _fire. Natsume, frantic with terror, scanned the myriad of shrieking girls for a sign of her face. Blindly he grabbed a short girl running past him, only clad in a thin nightdress.

"Do you know where Mikan is? She lives in that top attic, where is she?"

The girl only shook her pink hair in stunned terror, and ran off the instant he released her. His eyes locked onto the miniscule window of the thirteenth floor, fiercely praying it to open.

_Mikan, open the damn window, baka!_

He screwed up his eyes, willing his pounding headache to go away and so he could think, to save her. Because he knew he cannot murder the person that he loved again. Because he knew if he didn't succeed in rescuing her, he wouldn't be able to climb back out the second time, out of that dark pit called insanity.

……………………………………………………

**10 years from present day**

Persona regarded the small boy with disdain. His porcelain skin looked so fragile, his dull red eyes staring up at the blank hospital ceiling.

"This is him?"

The plump lady wrung her hands, nodding.

"Yes, he was orphaned after a terrible fire. It killed all his family except for him."

Persona nodded tiredly at the well-known story.

"Mrs. Blissey, I am a psychiatrist. I cannot accept him into my care until I know the full story."

She looked nervous, regarding the dull eyed child with almost fright.

Persona smiled, guessing the truth easily.

"I would not know the full details, but I am guessing that he purposely caused death of his family?"

The caretaker nodded in defeat.

"He… he purposely set fire to the gas stove in the kitchen. There was no other way the fire could've occurred," she whispered, "He was pronounced clinically insane after he… caused the death of his immediate family, and was then diagnosed with pyromania."

Persona's thin black lips twisted into a sardonic smile.

"That's one screwed up kid. I'll come and collect him next week."

Mrs. Blissey started, her white knuckles shaking a little under the dark man's pervading stare.

"Y-your going to take him away?"

Persona snapped a little, impatient at the old lady.

"Yes, I cannot fully try to cure him without him being within my constant supervision. He will be residing at Alice Academy, as a special student."

She nodded nervously, wanting to get away from the strange psychiatrist's stifling aura.

"O-of course, Mr. Persona. I will make sure he's packed all his belongings, and," she hesitated, "thank you for your generous charity."

Persona looked at her coldly, before stiffly returning the gratitude.

"It is of no problem to me, Mrs. Blissey. Alice Academy's new mental health student program is especially funded by the government to try to help the severely mentally crippled children. After all," Persona added with a cold smile, "children are our future."

.................................................................................................................

**9 years from present day**

The little boy was staring at the carefully controlled fire that was in the middle of the room. He crouched carefully near the flames, wistfully gazing at them.

Persona watched his experimental subject with interest, while making mental notes.

_It's Natsume's one year anniversary since I took him in, and he is still in deep hallucination, recovering temporarily only when there is an open fire in his presence. His pyromaniac nature should be the key to the return of his sanity, although in itself is considerably more dangerous than insanity._

He sighed, and went over to turn off the fire before the boy gets burnt.

_To suffer from such a rare mental illness, he really is valuable research material._

He entered the password, and quickly cut off the gas. Natsume stared glassily at where the fire was. Suddenly he sprang up, started screaming in terror and running in the opposite direction.

Persona caught the writhing boy before he could ram into the pristine bleached walls, and counted to three before he suddenly went limp, shivering in the bitter aftertaste of his personal never-ending nightmare

The psychiatrist almost wished he could see into his mind, and find out what the hell is it that made the little boy start screaming with such a heartbreaking expression.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

**Present day, 9 minutes earlier**

Ruka Nogi watching the Third Dorm burn down in horror, while kneeling beside his coughing girlfriend, waiting for help. He shifted her onto his lap, and gently patted her back as her normally stoic face contorted in pain.

"Hotaru…"

The inventor viciously swallowed back the bile that rose up to her throat.

"Damn it Ruka, that baka's still in there, I have to g-"

She was reduced to another violent coughing fit.

Ruka balled up his fist in frustration, unable to help.

"I am _not_ letting you go back into that building, Hotaru. _I'll _go."

She glared blearily at him.

"No, you'll get killed for nothing, idiot."

"What do you propose then?"

She reached into her pocket, pulling out her keys.

"My flying goose is in my room, on the first floor. If Hyuuga can get it, he can go and rescue Mikan and his damn conscience."

Ruka smiled quietly at Imai's fierce expression, knowing that if she wasn't reduced to a coughing fit every two minutes, she would be leading the rescue mission.

He started up, carefully laying Hotaru's still shuddering body on the cool grass, away from the heat of the inferno.

"I'll be right back."

Hotaru smiled weakly. And although she had never believed in God, she prayed.

_Kami-sama, please lend Hyuuga the strength to save Mikan, and to save himself. _

_Amen._

………………………………………………………………………………………

**8 years from present day**

Natsume would have cried, but he knew no one will hear him. No one ever did, because no one existed in his nightmares. No one but him and _it._

And he knew that _it_ was coming back, stalking him like it did for the last 2 years of his life. He could faintly hear its footsteps, its horrible throaty voices, and its rustling sound as it stomped around his tormented mind.

_It's coming closer…_

Years of running away had taught Natsume the exact moment he should pick up his tired body and run. Luckily it is slow, weighted down by his guilt.

But today he was too tired, it had not given him a wink of sleep, haunting him every chance he nodded off.

It came closer, and the ground shook a little with its heavy, putrid weight.

_Natsume, dear…,_ it crooned, its voice a horrible symphony of his family. Aoi's cheery voice, his mother's caring voice, his father's kind voice. Voices that sparked a deep terror in his very being.

_Natsume, where are you?_

He shut his eyes, unable to force his body to get up and run, even though his instincts screamed at him to do exactly that.

A white fleshy arm became visible through the darkness, and then two gleaming ribs and a part of a foot: his father's probably. The creature came fully into view, and bile rose up at his throat. The creature was a chimera, a vast mass of body parts, haphazardly connected and joined as one. The sickening placement of the human organs meant it can only move slowly, balancing precariously on one small, pale hand- Aoi's, a dainty foot- Mother's, and a thick thigh bone. The creature gurgled, his mother's eyes wildly rolled back as his father's head, which has been merged with what looked like an intestine, smiled.

_We finally found you, Natsume!_

Aoi's face, whose eyes' were just yawning hollows, contorted in a scowl.

_Onii-chan, how could you murder your own sister? You deserve to die, _it scolded, _and_ you_ should have been the one that died!' _the face twisted into an ugly scream, crying blood,_ 'How dare you steal my life from me!'_

He screamed, backing away, yet it neared. He closed his eyes, waiting for it to eat him, to kill him. And therefore releasing him from his guilt, his sin.

"Natsume!"

The creature stopped, frozen by the glowing voice.

"You can stop running away because I'm going to chase it away, and I won't let it hurt you."

It was the first time he had heard another voice. It was strong, determined, familiar and most of all, _warm_.

The boy blinked hard, and the monster was gone. His darkness, the mental nightmare, was fading. He can see it now, a flickering light that was so like the warm flames he occasionally saw, but brighter. And for the first time in 2 years, he felt _safe._

Ruka bit his lip worriedly, concern written all over his face for his childhood friend, in which he hadn't seen for two years, after their house burnt to the ground. He had chased him here, and the scary man had finally let him see Natsume, who was screaming at what seemed to be absolutely nothing. But he hoped he figured out what were the right words that could penetrate his nightmare, to rescue him from the imaginary monsters. The blond boy anxiously stared as his friend's dull, lifeless eyes slowly brightened and focused.

Persona watched with mild amusement as the boy finally crawled out of his insanity and returned to reality. He sighed. _And so begins the suicidal phase, _he predicted.

..............................................................................

**Present day- 8 min earlier**

Anxiously scanning the chaotic scene, Ruka despaired. How could he find one face among the hundreds that milled and panicked here? The crowd was departing the flames in a steady stream, both teachers and students long given up order to escape. After all, Alice Academy is surrounded by fuel- the dense forests that the school had so prided itself in. Ruka perched on a high branch, scanning desperately for the one person that will be going towards the fire, not against it. After all, Natsume, no matter how he denied it, always loved fire. Swinging down from the sturdy birch branch, he pushed his way through the dense crowds, grabbing his friend's icy arm. Natsume violently started, and was about to shake the firm hand away when he saw who it was connected to.

"Ruka?"

The blond silently pressed the cold metal key into his friend's equally cold hands.

"Hotaru's flyer is in her room, on the first floor. Number 6. Go rescue her, Natsume."

Ruka smiled at the desperate man's expression, as if he had given him the most wonderful thing in the world. He rushed off, his wordless gratitude left in his wake. Smiling, Ruka started making his way back to Hotaru. Silent and thoughtful, Natsume had never been the one for expressions of emotion, or just words in general. But luckily, Ruka had never needed them either.

He looked up at the smoky sky, sending his prayer with the black, poisonous carbon dioxide as if drifted up into the heavens.

"You're welcome," he whispered belatedly.

……………………………………………….

**7 years from present day**

"Oh my God…, what the hell were you _thinking?_"

The blond boy quickly cut the rough noose open, his best friend collapsing onto the blood red carpet. Vulnerable pink marks stretched across his neck, his mouth gasped in pain as his tender throat greedily sucked in oxygen.

Ruka wobbled, and then sat down hard on the floor, next to his semi-unconscious friend. Red eyes accusingly glared at him, as Natsume's raspy voice asked angrily, "Why the hell did you cut me off?"

Hot tears slid down the blond boy's angelic face.

"Dummy, I don't want you to _die_!"

Natsume looked away, his anger melted away by his guilt, at making his best friend cry.

"But," he objected, his voice still tender, "I _want_ to."

Ruka shook his head balling up his fists.

"NO! You can't die! If you die…I…I will never forgive you! I won't even come to your funeral!"

The bitter 9 year old carefully touched his swollen throat, wincing.

"Ruka, I won't even have a funeral. No one wants me in this world. Everyone who knows what I did thinks I'm a monster. Hell, even _I_ think I'm a monster. And monsters always get killed right?"

His best friend violently shook his head, and denied vehemently, "You're _not _a monster! And… and you need go see Persona right now, to go to the hospital!"

Springing up with sudden decisiveness, Ruka extended his hand down to the coughing boy. Natsume eyed his hand with disinterest, and gingerly stood up and sat down on his spacious bed.

"I'm not going anywhere. And I don't need to go to the hospital. Go away."

Ruka stubbornly rooted to the carpet, not budging an inch.

"I'm not going anywhere, because as soon as I leave you'll kill yourself. And I won't let you do that."

Folding away the down filled silk covers, Natsume struggled into bed, turning his back on his friend.

"Fine, do what ever you want."

"Fine. I will," Ruka shot back, angry.

A moment of tense silence passed, before he gave up, and sat down on the edge of the bed that was way too big for a nine year old boy.

"Natsume?"

There was no response.

Ruka sighed, and then kicking off his shoes, he snuggled down next to his friend.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

A fleeting moment passed, before an equally quiet voice replied, "Me too."

Ruka smiled briefly, before asking hesitantly, "Will you go to the hospital tomorrow?"

A long pause.

"…ok."

Silent tears slid down the blonde's face, wetting the Egyptian cotton bedspread. Ruka wiped them away, scolding himself. Boys aren't supposed to cry. But his forlorn voice that was so desolate of hope and filled with regret had shaken the little blond boy to the core. Ruka still tasted salt in his mouth.

_Boys shouldn't cry._

…………………………………………………….

**Present day- 7 min earlier**

The heat was intense, yet somehow bearable.

The door was swinging open, the heavy wood still uncharred.

Natsume flew past, and into the blackened corridor.

The fiery staircase that lead up to the second floor was already broken beyond repair, burning merrily as the desperate boy raced past it, down the flaming corridor.

Deftly dodging falling debris, Natsume glanced at the blackened doors on either side of the long corridor. One to three was burnt beyond repair, and brass number '4' can barely be made out under a layer of soot. Five was mainly intact, yet… Natsume grinded to a halt before the yawning burning expanse that door number six was supposed to hide. The battered door was in pieces on the floor, and fire had already escaped inside. Carefully, he stepped into the room.

The heat was intense. Black smoke filled his lungs, sending the boy into a vicious coughing fit. Kneeling on the strangely cool floor, Natsume's eyes cleared.

_Hot air rises,_ he remembered thoughtfully. Crawling along the carpet, he winced as a piece of melting plastic struck his palm. The burn seared through his skin, yet he bit his lip and went on. Natsume had been in Imai Hotaru's room quite a few times, considering they barely even talk.

Connected by both Mikan and Ruka, the two had somehow come to a stiff peace treaty. He still distinctly remembered this morning, when Ruka had drove them both to Imai's dorm, intent on picking his girlfriend up for once in his life. Gakuen Alice is in many ways bigger than most universities, and generally students catch buses to classes. The gentle boyfriend was defied again as Imai emerged gracefully through her window, sailing past the car on her flying contraption. Natsume had laughed at his best friend's annoyance.

_The window._

As the invention cannot be flown indoors, Imai must've left it near her window. Natsume stilled, concentrating, his whole body hypersensitive to the gentle breath of wind that must come through the window. After all, he distinctly remembered spotting the injured Imai with her bloodied fists, a paramedic gingerly picking out glass fibers.

The window must've been smashed open.

A moment passed, a sigh of air brushed his cheek.

One indication of direction was all he needed. Bending his back, Natsume rushed forward, sighting the smooth cream curve of the swan neck, the blackened aluminium, and the once white body.

Lying haphazardly next to the goose, he spotted Hotaru's new prototype, the Baka Cannon. Instinct told him to tuck the dangerous weapon into his pocket before setting his eyes on the object of his mission. Reaching for the handlebars, he winced as the red hot metal left a glaring scar onto his palm.

The seat was half melted; a ceiling beam had fallen onto it. The fire danced around in his crimson eyes, highlighting his fierce determination. _I won't let her die._ With a quick jerk, Natsume plunged his blistered hands into the fire, shifting it off the flying contraption. He cursed as the fire burnt his skin, numb with pain. Yet he had to save her. Throwing his jacket onto the seat, he quickly sat down and inserted the key.

The engine roared to life, and with his damaged hands, Natsume steered Mikan's lifeline through the window, into the cool night air.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

**6 years from present day**

"Oh my God…, what the hell were you _thinking?_"

The questioned boy put his feet up on the polished desk, and eyed the cowering substitute teacher in the corner. Their cross dressing excuse of a teacher, Narumi, was off somewhere. Again.

"You know," he said sarcastically, "the last time you said that I was committing suicide."

Ruka fretted.

"But, the Northern Woods are so dangerous, how could you send, of all the people in our class, _her_, into that… place??"

Natsume pretended to read manga while Mochu drew something R-rated onto the blackboard.

"Because she's naïve, stupid and really really annoying."

Ruka looked through the window, at the forbidding forests, and shuddered.

"Just because you have a death wish doesn't mean you can condemn other people too."

Natsume glared.

"Fine then. If you're so worried, _you_ go and look for her. Besides, she's with Iinchou. And she deserves it, for ruining our escape."

"We wouldn't have been able to get away anyway, Narumi was after us."

Natsume studiously ignored the glaring fact, and grunted.

"Whatever. Just wait for her."

Ruka glared back.

"Fine then. I will."

………………………………………………………………………………………

**5 years from present day** (see manga chap 48^^)

Natsume stared after her, the glowing figure that, like always, sacrificed herself for someone else's benefit. This time it was Youichi's so he could play with Mr. Bear. A smile played on his lips. Amazing how one little no star can wriggle her way into everyone's hearts. He shifted his position high in the Christmas tree, and took another bite of cake. Now she was starting a ridiculous game of picking up rubbish. How absurd. The lone boy's eyes trailed after the girl, envious of her spirit and vitality. Hopping down, he strode to the bin and threw in his paper plate.

"Thankyou Natsume-kun!"

Natsume jumped at her cheerful voice.

"What the hell- why do you just randomly thank people?"

Her smile was dazzling.

"Because you helped me by not throwing rubbish on the floor!"

He shrugged at turned around to face her, having long given up deciphering her weirdly routed thought trails.

"That's what we're _supposed_ to do, idiot. You should be yelling at the people tossing, not starting some ridiculous game."

Her pretty lips straightened into a firm line, annoyed.

"Natsume, why can't you just ever accept what life throws at you and move on, instead of cross examining every little thing?"

"Because I _want_ to, because sometimes what life throws at you is downright confusing, because I want to see what I had done wrong so I won't make the same mistake next time."

She glared at him and stomped on his foot.

He winced.

"_I_ apologise, for overestimating your maturity, Polka Dots."

"And I apologise, jerk, for thinking that you actually can be nice."

They both turned their heels around stomping off in the opposite direction. Two meters away, Kitsuneme frowned at the pair while stuffing his face with another pastry.

"Neh, Koko, why is it that whenever Mikan-chan and Natsume-kun meet they argue and storm off in the opposite directions?"

His best friend smiled mysteriously, the normally vacant look on his face was filled with humour.

"My dear friend, you've only heard half their conversation."

Kitsuneme grabbed another chocolate croissant, with fluffy white whipped cream piled on top.

"I'm pretty damn sure I've heard their whole conver- _oh_," he realised, then stared wistfully at the top of the sky high tree that dominated the centre of the dance floor, "…how can you tell what they were thinking?"

Koko grinned. "Easy. It's written all over their faces."

…………………………………………………………………

**4 years from present day**

Mikan looked stunned as the boy stared into her eyes. She touched her lips, where the boy had kissed her so gently.

Ruka stared at the pavement at his feet, blushing furiously.

"I-I'm so sorry! I- um," he swallowed thickly, trying to get the words across his stubborn mouth, "I'm sorry I…"

He took a deep breath and stared into her chocolate eyes, still a little bit dazed at the surprise kiss, before blurting his raw feelings out.

"SakuraMikanIreallylikeyouwillyougooutwithme?"

She blinked, before comprehension dawned upon her.

"You want _me_ to go out with you?"

She sounded incredulous. Ruka immediately wished he could've traded anything to take those words back. Heck, even the kiss back, even though it was the best, albeit first, kiss he ever had.

_Damn, she's going to reject me…_

Ruka nodded hesitantly, then ploughed on, "Look, um, you don't have to decide right now, I don't mind if it's like a week later or- well I-" he ducked his head shyly, "Um, see you tomorrow then!"

Ruka took off at the speed of light, hoping he didn't make himself out to be too much of an idiot.

**3 days later-**

"Why do you _do_ that??"

Koko winced, as the loud scream pierced his ears. Looking around, he spotted the source.

Natsume sat with his feet propped up on the table as always, regarding the angry female species that was standing in front of him with a lazy glance.

"Do what?"

Mikan stamped her foot in annoyance.

"You know exactly what I mean! Why won't you even lift a finger to help others at zero expense of yourself, when you know that you can?"

He flipped a page of _Fullmetal Alchemist, _volume 6.

"Because they're not my problem. If they fail their midterms, that's _their _fault, isn't it?"

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUBBORN???? You know perfectly well if we fail, we'll be expelled!"

Natsume lifted a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at the girl, admiring how her pink cheeks flushed when she was angry.

"So? Maybe that says something about them."

Mikan snatched his manga and flung it to the other side of the room. The classroom was stunned to silence- no one stood up to Natsume like that. The boy quietly stood up, his eyes blazing. Mikan ignored him, and kept on ranting.

"Excuse _us_ if we're not child prodigies like you! Excuse _us_ if we don't have the leisure of doing nothing and being a straight A student! Excuse _us_ for even trying to ask for a miniscule amount of your time and energy because the high and mighty Hyuuga Natsume cannot _possibly_ waste his precious words and excess brain cells on his so called _friends_!!"

"You don't understand _anything_ Sakura, so don't you _dare _judge me!"

"Judge you? You stupid egoistical _hypocrite_! Don't _you_ dare ask anything from us if you won't even spare a second to help out your friends! Equivalent Exchange*, isn't that what's the damn world about? Isn't that what your stupid manga about?"

Natsume's voice was deathly quiet.

"You're right, Sakura, everything you take has a consequence. But obviously Equivalent Exchange doesn't exist. Because you know why? If it did, I'd already be long _dead_."

Mikan glared right back, unintimidated.

"Just because you have a death wish doesn't mean you can condemn the others around you to suffer when you can obviously help them out! But of course, your head is too crowded with stupid selfish thoughts about _yourself,_ how _you've_ done something, whether it's right or not! For once in your life Hyuuga, think of how you can use your talents to help someone else out, instead of using them to fulfil your own selfish wish!"

Natsume's glare was smouldering.

"Yes, Sakura, the holy Mother Teresa reincarnate, how could a saint like _you_ understand what I went through? How can you even know what selfishness looks like, let alone accuse someone of its possession, when you yourself obviously have none? So excuse us, the rest of the normal world, for being selfish while you live in your pretty perfect world! Get your mind out of the clouds, Sakura, because reality is a hell a lot uglier than anything you've seen!"

Natsume panted a little from holding his breath, holding steady his piercing gaze.

Mikan stared back, almost pityingly at him.

"I'm sorry, Natsume," her quiet voice faulted, an imperfection, "I'm sorry for believing you had a shred of niceness. But most of all, I'm sorry for myself, for ever trying to be your _friend_."

And she ran out of the classroom, slamming the door shut.

...

That night Persona watched in cold analysis at rush of the fire engines the panicked voices of the men as they tried to contain the forest fire. His subject's fatal flaw, the blemish of his genius mind that had brought about his emotional turmoil and endless nightmares, had for the first time since that day he was orphaned, reared its ugly head.

…

Ruka groggily opened his wide wooden doors, mildly annoyed at the knocking in the middle of the night.

"Hello?"

He froze, recognising her voice anywhere.

"Mikan?"

She sounded awful, her throat thick with tears.

She collapsed into his welcoming arms, hiccupping slightly. He stroked her hair, gently working out the tangles. And she curled up in his arms, overcome with a feeling of contentedness.

"I'm pretty stupid to be so upset over just Hyuuga's words aren't I, Ruka?"

_So they're back to last name basis again_, he thought with a sigh.

Mikan sat up straighter, and looked up through the window, where the full moon was hanging brightly. And then she turned around, her determined eyes catching his.

"Yes."

Puzzled, he queried, "Yes to what?"

Her eyes were already on the moon again, her voice barely a whisper.

"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend."

And Ruka hugged her tightly, not too sure what she really meant.

…………………………………………………………………….

**3 years ago from present day**

He sat on the cold roof tiles, waiting for his best friend to come. It was their tradition, on Thursday nights. The moon hung brightly in the cloudless sky, reflecting the worried boy's thoughts.

A shuffling sound; and a silent scuffle marked the late friend's quiet arrival.

Ruka shifted his eyes from the glowing disk in the sky to his friend's subtly illuminated face. The moon and the darkness had set Natsume's handsome features in a harsh contrast, reflecting his struggling problems.

"I heard Koko asked Sumire out."

Natsume smiled, although it didn't quiet reach his eyes.

"If I was a girl, I'm sure I'd be squealing over this."

Ruka smiled too. At least Natsume still had his sarcasm.

"But you should be. She won't bother you any more."

The quiet boy turned his eyes skyward, not looking at the moon, but the small specks of light that surrounded it.

"…I'm sorry. For last night."

Ruka stiffened, his delicate features setting in a scowl.

"Don't thank me. I didn't do anything. Maybe you should thank yourself, because you're really the one that made the final decision, no matter what I did. After all, it _is _your life."

He sighed.

"I… I just wanted to go. To get it over and done with. We're born to die, aren't we?"

Ruka chuckled.

"Ever the pessimist, aren't you Natsume?"

He smiled.

"Don't forget suicidal, depressed, and clinically insane."

"You're not clinically insane anymore. You're just mentally unstable."

"Hai."

"…It's not your fault, Natsume."

He nodded slowly.

A comfortable silence stretched.

"…How's Sakura?"

Ruka blushed.

"She's well. She did have to retake that maths test though."

He looked vaguely annoyed.

"You know, if you weren't such a crap teacher, you could've tutored her."

"Yeah. The one thing she needs most, a good tutor. The one thing I can't be."

Natsume smiled. Ruka was infamous for his ability, or lack thereof, to explain absolutely anything.

"You could tutor her."

The dark haired boy started.

"Anything I teach her will go right through her miniscule brain and out the other ear."

Ruka laughed.

"I'm sure her brain has some capacity for absorbing."

Natsume shook his head.

"No, I don't think I can."

Ruka studied him.

"You don't think you can because she's a hopeless case, or because you can't face her?"

A ghost of a smile graced his face.

"Quite possibly both."

The blond was frustrated.

"Do you hate her that much? You haven't ever said a proper sentence to her since we were 11! And she's my girlfriend!"

"Yeah, I really hate her that much. She's an idiotic brainless girl whose mouth and nose are too big, who is unbearably annoying."

Ruka opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"…I really, really hate her," he whispered again, more to himself than to his friend. Because although he was in no way superstitious, maybe if he repeated it enough it will really come true.

……………………………………………………………………

**2 years from present day**

Mikan skipped to his door and banged it open.

"Ruka! Thank y-"

The spacious room was dark and empty.

Shutting the door, mildly embarrassed, she stomped off back down the stairs.

_Where is he?_

She fingered the rich yet intricately fine woven snow white scarf around her neck. She had been gazing at it when she was window shopping with Hotaru and Ruka, bemoaning her almost depressing lack of money. She had loved the scarf. Mikan smiled brightly at her boyfriend's kindness, of how he planned her surprise birthday party and her present. _Yet he had an exam right after…_ Mikan paused in front of another high wooden three star door. _Why did his 3 hour exam have to be right at 6 o'clock?_ She smiled, pleased at Ruka's dedication to veterinary, and his gentle patience with all animals. She and Ruka had won the 'Most Likely to be Married Couple' in her year 6 formal last year.

But now he was no where to be found. Mikan sighed, resigning to thanking him tomorrow, before she glanced absentmindedly at the brass name plate of the fancy room. _Hyuuga Natsume._

She grinned. _Ruka's best friend will definitely know where he is!_ Yet her hand froze as she laid it on the polished door handle.

_He hates me though._

She shook her head, ridding the pessimistic thought. After all, he didn't really hate her, he just… ignores her. Mikan stopped trying to converse with the mysterious and cold person after a month of going out with Ruka. She had originally thought it was because of the big fight they had back when they were 11, but they were now 14 and one really can't hold a grudge for that long.

_Besides, all I'll be asking is where Ruka is._

Satisfied with her mini pep talk she slowly pushed down the handle and opened the door. It was dark, and she was just about to leave, thinking that there was no one there, when she caught a wiry frame silhouetted against the moonlight pouring in from the open window. A figure that was leaning against the windowsill, unconscious with blood thickly dripping from his hands, into a strategically positioned salad bowl on the floor. Mikan's mind went into automatic.

…………………………………………………..

The haunting darkness lightened, to his surprise, the red tinted night that was the numbing pain faded. A bright piercing light broke his night, and with wonder he saw its beauty. It had no place in this fathomless world of the dead. He _was_ dead, right?

"Goddamn it Hyuuga! Wake _up_! Don't die! Please don't die!"

He frowned, feeling salty tears dripping onto his naked torso. _Why the hell would someone cry over _his_ dead body?_ And then, resignedly he realised he was still alive. _Damn it._

The world came into focus, the beautiful light he saw transformed into his bedside lamp, held over his eyes, blinding him.

"God, _stop_ it!"

With more annoyance, he realised his angry words didn't come out with quite the volume for the impact due to his hoarse throat.  
"Argh!!!!!"

He winced at the terrified scream, followed by a tinkling sound of broken glass.

Natsume screwed his eyes shut, hoping to at least go to sleep, again, and never wake up.

A sharp prod bruised his ribs, forcing his eyes open and actual effort of sitting up.

He blinked, before a wave of vertigo crashed onto him and he wobbled. Gentle arms caught him, while his eyes fluttered shut again.

Another poke, this time at his stomach jolted him back awake.

"I know you're alive! So don't pretend that you aren't. It won't work."

The planes of her face came into focus, set in a scowl. Yet somehow, the shock of waking up next to his best friend's girlfriend somehow didn't surprise him that much.

He glared back weakly.

"Hello," he managed.

She stood up, and with absolutely no grace whatsoever, plonked herself into an armchair, before she opened her mouth.

"_Why_ did you try to commit suicide?"

He flinched, his mind quickly racing for an excuse, before deciding denial is the best.

"What the hell? What on earth made you think I was committing suicide?"

Natsume hoped that Mikan was as good as detecting a lie as she was good at maths.

The brunette jolted back up again, and marched up to him with a salad bowl.

"It's nice to know you still care about your _carpet_," Mikan enunciated with distaste, "while you're bleeding to death. What kind of psycho _are_ you??"

Natsume stared mutely down at his own dark pool of blood before looking up and meeting her eye.

"One that will kill you if you tell anyone else."

Mikan scoffed.

"Oh, should I actually be scared? Should I be worried that you would even be _alive_ to carry out the damn threat?"

He slumped down on his bed, the covers sticky with blood that stained his bare skin.

"What were you even doing in my room?" he growled, clutching his throbbing temples with limp hands.

Mikan bristled indignantly.

"Why am I _here_? My damn God, Hyuuga, how dare you even have the gall to ask that?" she spluttered furiously, "I came here thinking to ask you where Ruka is, find you lying on your windowsill half _dead_, sacrificed my own birthday present to stop your damn bleeding, dragged your fat arse onto your stupid bed and saved your obviously ungrateful idiotic life, and you still ask me why I'm _here_???"

Natsume winced, for the first time noticing the fine Egyptian cotton that was tightly wrapped around both his wrists, so tightly bound that it almost cut off his circulation. Although that _was _the whole point of it.

"Ruka is in the c-"

Mikan pointedly ignored his sentence, ploughing onwards, "How _could_ you? How could you just freaking _die_ on yourself? Do you know how many people would give their own damn child to be here, with your special star _carpet_ and feather mattress? Do you know how many people struggle to live, how many people suffer so much pain just for the sake of life, how many people starve to death?? And here you are, _freaking_ throwing your high and mighty life away like it's a filthy thing, throwing away even an opportunity to at least earn money and help the other three quarters of the world that's constantly malnourished?? How can you be such a coward that you can't even face up to living, that you'd prefer even such a painful way of death? I thought you were at least _brave_, Hyuuga, not a bastardly cur who can't even accomplish something 99% of the world can do; be grateful for your life! How _dare_ you make the Academy or some poor taxpayer pay for your funeral when there're infants starving to death in some third world country?? How _could _you?!"

He glowered at the girl, breathing heavily from her outburst.

"Yes, how could I throw my life away, you ask?" he said sarcastically, "how could I just fling my _precious_ life away? You know nothing, little girl. You have no idea what I am."

Pausing, he glared before continuing, "With your idealised world murderers should all just die and rot in hell, right?"

Mikan opened her mouth, but Natsume beat her to it.

"Well, since naïve little you obviously agree with me, then my death has already been overdue, for _nine fucking years_. So don't waste your pretty little breath on _me,_ because you know nothing about me."

He smiled dangerously, before continuing in a strangely calm voice.

"Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, a five year old boy intentionally set his house on fire in the middle of the night. He had wanted the fire to consume the whole house, and with satisfaction , watch it burn down to the ground. And guess what? It did. In fact, it did so completely that it burnt everything down with it. Including his mother, his father, and his two year old sister. He knew he was a murderer. He already murdered his own family. He was the one that should've been burnt down with them, but for some damn reason, he wasn't. And he continues, to this day, to seek to burn down others. A murderer. A danger to society. Someone whose life won't save people, but kill them. Do you really think he deserves to live? _Do you_?"

Mikan was frozen, the dark haired boy pinning her down with his smouldering glare. But something didn't click.

"You never intentionally killed them, did you?"

Natsume looked away, angry. Mikan curled up beside his bed, carefully folding her bare legs into her arms. It was a cold night.

His hoarse whisper came like a flickering candle, blown away in the wind.

"No, but I may as well have, for all that matters. They're dead, and it's my entire fault."

She smiled at him, trying to search for something in his broken figure.

"Hyuuga," she said softly, "stop trying to take responsibility for everything. Because it isn't your fault."

Natsume froze.

"It is _too_ my fault. I deliberately set fire to the stove."

Mikan sounded exasperated.

"You were _five_."

He stared at the wooden salad bowl, next to her small figure.

"That's no excuse, because I knew the consequences. I had been drilled in fire safety since I was born."

"So? You didn't set the fire with the intention to kill off your family. You set the fire beca- why _did _you set the fire?"

Natsume concentrated on the swirling patterns of his blood.

"Because if I didn't, _I_ was going to die."

Mikan stared at him, surprised.

He smiled wryly.

"You still think I ought to live? Little girl, I'm clinically diagnosed with pyromania. I uncontrollably set fire to everything. I'm a hazard. A danger to society. One day, I'm sure to succeed in burning down a forest or a building in this damn school. And I _refuse_ to murder anyone else again."

Mikan glared.

He sighed, before correcting himself.

"And I refuse to commit manslaughter again. Happy?" he said coldly, before repeating, "Do you think I still should live?"

Standing up, Mikan picked up the bowl and marched into his ensuite, pouring the blood into the toilet.

"I think you should recover, and use your amazing intelligence to earn lots of money and become a philanthropist," she smiled cheerfully, "but I guess it's up to you. You can become an environmentalist instead, championing the endangered animals and using your power to protect them."

Natsume said nothing, but thoughtfully strode over to his wardrobe, before he realised his fingers were too numb to move.

"Sakura?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you help me put a shirt on?"

………………………………………………………………

**1 year from present day**

Her scent was in the air, something nearly tangible. And he was here again, standing in her bygone presence, just wishing. Ruka knew something had happened between his best friend and his girlfriend, he can see how, like the north and south poles, they're gravitating towards each other.

The boy sighed, and looked at his watch again. 4.06pm; the movie had started an hour ago.

He stretched languidly on the metal bench outside the theatre, and balanced the book he brought to read while he waited for the ever so late Mikan on the bridge of his nose, and closed his eyes. Really, it was quite a beautiful summer day.

And then, through the silence came a sound Ruka would recognise a million miles away. A camera clicked.

Startled, Ruka leapt up, the action thriller falling onto the pavement.

"Imai?"

Hotaru studied him with disinterest, her amethyst eyes boring into his.

"Mikan has completely forgotten. She'll remember approximately two to three hours after the movie finished, but it's your funeral."

Frowning, he made a half-hearted attempt to block his face before surrendering.

"What do you want? Other than photos, obviously."

The stoic girl replied with a few more snapshots of the boy trying in vain to cover up the lens.

"This is going to cause a lot of heartbreak for her if you keep on misleading her."

He growled.

"Is she the only person you care about? Have you ever taken into consideration _my_ feelings?"

"Your feelings are nothing but friendship Nogi. Get over it before she comes running to me for consultation."

Standing up, Ruka glared at the Ice Queen, before exploding.

"Is that all I am, a third wheel? A simple road block between Mikan and Natsume?? Yes, I very well damn know that they're probably in love! But don't you dare forget that I've been her boyfriend for two years and I'm still in love with her too! Don't you dare decide what I feel for me! I _won't_ just become an emotionless object that she can forget about, because I know she likes me back and we did have a connection. And have you ever even considered how my best friend stealing my girlfriend would reflect on _me_? How I feel as if maybe I should've never been born?! I am _not_ just an object that you can make money out of, _not _just an obstacle to Mikan's happiness. Because, at one time, I contributed to that. And I'm not about to let you forget it."

A moment passed, as he glared at her mildly surprised face.

"You have nothing to say? I didn't think so either. Sell my photos Imai, and buy some damn _compassion_."

Scowling, he picked up the book and without looking back, he stomped away.

Hotaru blinked for a second, staring at his back as he walked away. She had always known that Ruka was the opposite of his best friend; Natsume would always lash out at things, but Ruka would keep bottling it up…until it exploded. She blinked again, and rubbed her eyes, her coldly logical mind pointing out that, it really is impossible, but…she swore that his back had grown broader since she last saw it yesterday. Smiling for the first time in a week, Hotaru flicked through the photos of a tired Ruka on the screen of her digital camera. He had grown up.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**A week later-**

Persona regarded the boy carefully before restudying a detailed scan of his neurological pathways. The hiccup in the cerebellum, causing pyromania, had faded. And he could see the improvement: Natsume had somehow done what Persona thought he'd never achieve, reconciling himself with the death of his family. A far cry from the little mute boy that first arrived, haunted by constant nightmares, uncontrollably setting things on fire.

And he was damn sure that it was because of nothing he had done. Something clicked into place.

"Who is she?  
Natsume placed a high kick on the punching bag, before replying, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Someone must've cured your suicidal streak," he sighed, "don't play dumb."

"No one."

"Who is she?" he repeated, unmoving.

Left jab, straight punch, right hook.

"Is it that unbelievable I convinced myself that I didn't murder my family?"

"Yes. There is less than 1% chance that you would've cured yourself."

Roundhouse kick, right uppercut, left hook.

"What if I had fallen into that 1% range?"

"Who _is _she?"

Natsume gave him a guarded look. He had never liked the spiteful psychiatrist, knowing fully well that he had only taken him to be a guinea pig for his new medicines, which no one was willing to test. Natsume tried a different tactic.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because you're my test subject and I must know all the dependent variables. Including your girlfriend."

The hard kick broke into the battered punching bag, the filling spilling onto the ground in a loud trickle.

"No."

He smiled thinly.

"Fine then. Have it your way, Kuro Neko. I _will_ have her name though."

And with that sentence, he spun his heel and gracefully made his way to the door, before pausing.

"Oh, and as you are fully well aware, you are only here because of the Academy's kindness," he said smoothly, "from your official discharge of my care you will be utilising your abilities to help the Academy to deal with matters that require a representative, who has superior combat knowledge."

Natsume scowled, and sat down.

"So when the morons are finished using my body as a guinea pig, they send me away to kill myself?"

"No, not to kill yourself. After all, if you died on your first mission, you would prove absolutely useless to us."

He smiled wryly before the cold scientist left the room, looking at the broken punching bag. Before he had believed Persona had him train to vent his anger, but now he understood the higher purpose. But of course, there's _always_ a higher purpose when it came to the sneaky bastard.

* * *

Part two shall come soon!

**Some food for thought:** Natsume's argument for his suicidal streak is that he killed his family and is a danger to society. Obviously he's been brought up this way, but for a second, pretend Natsume is real (*drool*). Okay, now ask yourself: in the real world and thinking logically, should Natsume die?

My opinion-

Natsume: Who cares about your opinion?

Tiria: Shut up, emo.

Mikan: Of course he shouldn't!

Tiria: Biased.

Mikan: *sticks out tongue*

Tiria. Ahem. I actually do think he should. Remember: he was insane, uncontrollable and a pyromaniac. Before Mikan and Ruka rescued him, of course. But luckily, this is a fanfiction, he is really rather hot, and he recovers anyway. Hehe.

Natsume: WHAT? Are you serious?

Tiria: Deadly. Hey, does this mean the ending is actually now unpredictable? Yay!

Natsume:....

Narumi: I'm gay!

Ruka: And I'm an Amish transvestite. But don't tell Hotaru

Tiria: Your secrets are safe with me.

Hotaru: *shoots everyone* get back on topic, baka.

Tiria: *meekly* Hai...

**Please Review!** And tell me what you think of people's arguments! (esp. Mikan's when she was yelling at shirtless Natsume. I think I lefy my rationality under the bed when I wrote that)


	2. Chapter 2

I actually wrote this before I posted the first bit, but then I wanted to write a scene that I now decided is kind of useless so...

* * *

**4 months from present day**

Staring in disbelief at the crumpled letter in her hands, Mikan began to cry quietly. Her grandfather's will and envelope rested on her desk, along with a funeral invitation.

Mikan remembered Narumi-sensei's face as he handed the letter to her, while she was waiting for Natsume to come back.

He had started going on missions, because of his apparent 'debt' to the school. And for the first time, she realised behind the mask of the mysterious teachers, they were full of lies and deceit.

She ran the words of the shocking letter through her head again, not quite believing it.

_Dear Mikan-chan_

_My health is declining, and yet I cannot see you once again before I leave. I miss you, and I love you. Therefore, please understand my reason behind not telling you this sooner…_

_..._

Natsume shot the guard down, before stepping quickly into the shadows.

Tonight the mission was to retrieve the antidote to this organisation's deadly poison that found its way to the youngest principle's body.

_Stupid careless idiot, _he thought with annoyance before stealing into the darkened corridor. A voice commanded him from his earpiece, directing him to turn left, taking out a jumped up security guard with a well placed kick.

The person who will have the antidote was nefarious among the underground society the Academy sometimes dabbled in, apparently a ruthless and vengeful ex-student whose personal goal was to bring down the head of Alice Academy. Her reasons, of course, are still a mystery.

Natsume smiled, considering briefly joining their side before dismissing the idea. After all, Mikan and Ruka were at the Academy, and doing so would probably mean never seeing them again.

With deadly efficiency, he shot down another person, probably a scientist. Stooping over, he searched her pockets and found what he was looking for. The cardkey. Whispering, Natsume reported back to the command centre.

'Key found. Requesting permission to approach target.'

A crystal clear voice replied, 'Request approved. Take the target alive, preferably.'

He nodded silently, and moved stealthily down another corridor.

…

…_you're not an orphan. _

_Although your father died before you were born, your mother is still alive. _

_Please do not condemn her for leaving you, because she needed to accomplish her goal first. She needed to reach her peace of mind, and to do that she must leave. _

_She's very brave, and you are just like her, Mikan. Because of that, I knew I could not tell you her location. Even I do not know where she is at this very moment, but I know she is very close to completely her goal. She and you are so alike, mother and daughter. _

_If I told you, you would endlessly pester me with knowledge of her whereabouts and probably set off looking for her by yourself. _

_But I am assured she will return soon, judging by her last letter to me. These were her words: _

_'I'm so close, it's at my fingertips. Please wait for me, and keep Mikan safe! Love you both!'…_

…

The electronic scanner beeped, and Natsume nodded silently to the two other silent comrades, who are to stand guard at the door.

The target was located, and trapped. He stepped into the room, the gun never wavering in his calm hand.

_I kill too much,_ he decided.

The room was dark, hard wooden floorboards reflecting the sole source of light, a humming laptop. The figure was in the chair, and with a smooth swivel, she turned around.

Her almond coloured eyes bore into his, and Natsume's froze in shock.

…

_Her name, as you know, is Sakura Yuka. _

_I have included a picture of her, and although you resemble your father much more, you had her beautiful eyes. _

_I had begged her to stay, that night when she left, but she would not hear of it. Her heart was too big, and it crippled her. Mikan, please, never allow yourself to be so full of hatred and anger that you would throw your life away for revenge. _

_Promise your Jii-chan this, Mikan, you will never leave your loved ones to pursue to correct the past. _

_The past is the past, and even if you strive to correct it, no effort is going to undo events. Unless there exists a time machine, you must learn to let go of your past…_

…

It was her. It was her eyes. The ones that looked at him with happiness, sadness and the veritable rainbow of emotion in between. Except they did not belong to her. It belonged to the figure sitting stoically on the chair, pointing in almost defiance at him with a semi-automatic.

He blinked, before returning to the task at hand.

'_You,'_ he growled, 'give me the antidote, or get a bullet hole on your forehead.'

Her laugh was the same too. Natsume shivered.

'I finally meet you, Hyuuga Natsume. It's ok, really. You can take off your mask.'

He was undeterred.

'How do you know my name?'

'I know everything concerning my daughter. Including her boyfriend, of course. I can't have her going out with someone dangerous or someone that doesn't like her back.'

He stared.

'Of course, I could have dispatched you because of your dangerous influences, but I could see she loved you,' she continued, 'and I know you love her. So lucky you.'

'You're her dead _mother_??? Damn God…' Natsume whispered, bewildered.

Yuka smiled.

'Correct. But the real question is,' she spoke with dead seriousness, 'can you kill me knowing that?'

_Her mother…her damned _mother_is the head of the AAO?? What the hell?_

His logical part of his brain decidedly took over, and Natsume replied with another question.

'Why did you leave her?'

'Because I had to avenge the one I love.'

His brow furrowed, as the pieces clicked together.

"Mikan's an orphan, so her father died too. You…you can't have possibly left your only daughter to chase after your husband's _killer_?"

Yuka smiled, before chirping, "Bingo!"

Natsume's mind whirled.

"You _bitch!_"

A bullet breezed past her face, leaving a smoking indent in the wall behind her.

"..the hell?" she demanded angrily, standing up.

"You _fucking_ bitch! Do you honestly _know _how much she cried in her sleep, how much nightmares she had, how much she had said to me: '_My biggest fear is not having parents, because everyone else has them, and sometimes, I'm so jealous I would lock myself in my room and cry for hours. Jii-chan is fine, but how I wish I could have a mum and dad!" _he mimicked.

Yuka stood frozen, the vial dropping onto the floor, ignored.

Natsume ranted on, "How could you have left your only daughter to chase after a warped sense of justice? Revenge is just a petty self indulgence that accomplishes absolutely _nothing. _Even if you sacrifice the principle, even if sacrifice your own self, you're _not going to bring him back to life._

You cannot reverse the past, and chasing after your own selfish desires under superficial words like justice, righteousness and honour is not going benefit anyone except your own self-centred mind. How _could _you?"

Panting heavily, Natsume pointed his gun steadily at the quiet mother.

Suddenly, like lightning, she drew her gun and shot the wall above his head.

She looked up, her eyes blazing with hatred.

"_Selfish_? What about you, guinea pig?

What about the dozen other people that had their life taken away under the excuse of medical cure, of science, of the greater damned good?

How many people will this deranged school kill before they're satisfied? How can you condemn me for what I want, when it is obvious that I am stopping a killer?

Look at what they turned you into, an emotionless murdering puppet! I have wrestled or my decision for _years_, and if doing what I believe to be right is stopping my husband's murderer, by God am I going to damn accomplish it!

Greater good is only greater good when the something _good_ will benefit _everyone_. Your weakness will kill you one day, Kuro Neko," she ground out, "you cannot protect only her happiness and achieve the greater good.

Yes, I'm damn selfish, but _so are you_. Hypocrisy never did suit you, Hyuuga Natsume."

Natsume's eyes steeled, before his earpiece prompted him. 'Remain on task, and retrieve the antidote before you lose your head.' His blood froze, recognising Persona's dead voice. _What's he doing at the command centre?_

"So you want the antidote?" her quiet voice permeated his thoughts, "Take it. But do not come on another mission again, or I will kill you."

Picking up the vial, his eyes narrowed before barking out orders in his microphone.

"The target is confirmed as dangerous. B1 and B2 may enter."

Six black-clad men and women entered swiftly, and before Yuka had time to back away, one stuck the hard bun barrel into the back of her head.

She blinked, before smiling bitterly.

"I had bargained you were above this, Hyuuga, but apparently I was wrong," she said, calmly walking past with 4 men flanking her, "I can't see how my daughter would love someone as ignorant and cynical as you, honestly. She deserves so much better."

Natsume stood, staring at the dark whorls of knotted wood in the floor, before whispering to the empty room, "You're right. She deserves so much better."

…

..._she loved your father too much, and I hope you can understand how she stubborn she is, especially as I've never seen her so filled with hatred before. _

_But you could surely know, you are as stubborn as she was. She loves you, Mikan, and because of wishing for a better for you she went and pursued your father's killer. I am proud to be her father, and I look forward to her reconciliation with you._

_Love, Jii-chan_

Crying harder, she sat down and hugged the inked paper, before remembering again the underground school scandal.

The youngest principle had died in his own office; a knife plunged through his chest, holding a gun in a death grip.

The limp body of a woman now identified as the escaped head of AAO was found lying on the ground next to him, a bullet wound in her chest.

Although dying of a violent and painful death, Sakura Yuka face was both serene and calm, graced with a gentle smile.

…

**3 months from present day**

Mikan looked downwards at the simple arched granite, carved with simply two words and two dates.

_Sakura Yuka_

_1977-2009_

No funeral, no eulogies, no grief.

Just two words carved into granite, simply acknowledging the passing of a life. Laying down the bouquet of white lilies and delicate, star shaped orange** blossoms, she knelt on the grass and leaned her forehead against the cool stone.

Her mind wondered back to the sleepless nights, struggling with turbulent emotions.

How can she forgive this person, this person she never knew for getting herself killed before her daughter could touch her, who abandoned her daughter to pursue her revenge, for making her poor father beg for forgiveness for her own mistake?

But…

Mikan smiled, and rocking back on her heels, she looked at the immaculate headstone.

She can.

She can forgive someone that took away one thing she loved most.

Because the world is warped, because the universe is illogical. Because she loved this person, although the said stranger had not done a single thing for her.

But giving her life is a debt that Mikan knew she can never repay back.

Standing up, she looked at the cerulean skies, the clouds chasing each other across the never ending expanse. Really, it was a too beautiful day to cry.

…

With a hard kick, the punching bag that was only bought a week ago fell on the ground, broken.

Continuing his spinning kick, Natsume sent the limp anger-management device flying across the room.

Guilt wracked and anxious, he pondered why he isn't telling her what she deserved to know_._Sitting onto the floor, tired with exertion, he looked out the wide windows of his personal gym room to the wide blue skies above.

He was sorry.

He was wrong.

But he is a damn coward.

And every day faded to a practiced mask on his part.

Every smile from her turned to nothing, every moment with her became meaningless.

Slumping against the cool concrete floor, Natsume ignored the quiet approaching footsteps of the 2nd most person he hated. T

he first is himself, of course. '_Stupid, despicable cur!' _he thought with annoyance.

Why can't he confess?

Why is it so terrifying to have her look at the him behind the mask, as what he truly was: the person who sent her mother to her death.

In his mind's eye, Natsume recalled his attempts bitterly.

_Mikan was sitting by the Sakura tree he always read by at lunch. _

_Perfect. _

_Taking a deep breath, he strode up to her. Startled, she had spilled her bottle of juice onto her skirt. _

_Quickly she had gotten up, and frantically tried to wipe away the excess orange juice. Natsume watched with a smile, and quietly bent down to screw on the lid to the bottle. When she stood up, she did not face him._

"_Mikan, can I tell you something?"_

_And she turned around, silent tears coursing down her face. _

_Natsume winced._

"_Tell me what?"_

_It was his fault, and even the sight of him made her cry. He was a monster._

"_Hotaru needs you to go to her lab for modelling for her project," he lied smoothly._

_Mikan frowned. _

_She was sure it wasn't his original intentions, but with a small smile, she dried her tears, hoping Natsume didn't notice them. _

_It's so silly of her, to just suddenly cry for no reason. _

_After all, being with the person she loved isn't a sad thing, is it?_

…

He tried again.

He _tried_ to try again.

But he was so petrified of her angry, hard glare, her mournful voice and her tears.

The door opened silently, and Persona's high heels made a sharp noise against the concrete as he stopped by the slightly breathless pyromaniac.

"Your progress has declined significantly," he said in a cold voice.

_No shit, Sherlock._

Natsume glared lazily up at the impersonal figure.

"We are therefore withdrawing you from missions for the time being, so we can try to administer a cure for you again. You will be completely isolated to prevent outside influences on our experiments."

He stood up suddenly, before exploding.

"Do you know even _why_ my progress is declining? Why I'm depressed? Why I'm burdened with an impossible load of guilt? Instead of trying to decipher me, let me _help_ you bastards by telling you what's wrong with me! Why the hell do you think isolation will _improve_ my health?"

Emotionlessly, Persona cut in.

"Not only are you a danger to society, you are selfish to endanger those close to you by being mentally unstable.

It is for your friends' own safety and in the end, your sanity that we are isolating you. A little accident like the one that landed you here will destroy you this time, and we do not want that happening now, do we?

It is not your place to question our methods of trying to cure _you_. There will be no negotiation. You will move in tonight.

Pack your things, we expect you at the laboratory by 7pm, or unnecessary force will be used."

Before Natsume could object, Persona already clicked the door shut, with an air of finality. He fell back on the floor, and for the first time since that night Mikan found him bleeding in his room, he contemplated suicide.

….

For the second time within a month, Mikan found a letter slipped underneath her door.

It was plain, without any markings on it.

It wasn't even sealed, the opaque lined paper peeking out from the envelope flap.

Her natural curiosity sparked, and she pulled the letter out, immediately noticing Natsume's name on the bottom, and his cursive handwriting printed over the page.

He had never written her a letter in her life.

It was brusquely short, and with a sense of dread, she started reading.

_Mikan,_

_To the point, I'm going into confinement starting tonight. No, don't cry, it's not your fault. I don't know how long they're going to try to cure me again, but don't worry, I'm sure I'll be fine. Don't look sad, because then you'll weigh everyone else down as well, baka._

_It might bring up bad memories, but remember how your mother was imprisoned at Alice Academy before her death? _

_Yes I'm a damn coward, yes I can't even face you when saying this, but I was the one who ordered her capture. _

_I indirectly sent her to her death. _

_I even knew she was your mother, but I still somehow managed to blow up at her. _

_No, I didn't do it for you, so don't blame yourself, Polka Dot. I don't expect you to forgive me either, so don't force yourself to. You care too much about other people's welfare, honestly._

_I don't know when I'll see you again, but don't cry, and always smile so everyone around you will too. Don't be sad for me, Polka, I'm going to be fine. _

_Also, if you don't get the maths and science homework, ask Yuu for help._

_Natsume._

Smiling through her tears and shock, Mikan slowly fell back on her bed before crying herself to sleep again with a letter crumpled into her hands.

…

1 month before present day

"He is an utter idiot."

Hotaru's typing did not slow as she replied.

"I'm going to kill him when he comes out," she vowed venomously, "Stupid, idiotic cur, he's no worse than Mikan."

Ruka kept on peering outside the window of Hotaru's room, which gave the perfect view of that Sakura tree Mikan always pretended to read by.

"She's _still_ there!" he fumed, "how the hell can he just tell her to smile, to not blame herself, to not cry? God, he is impossible! He even had the gall to tell her not to forgive him! It's like he doesn't know her at all!"

Sliding smoothly onto the window seat beside her boyfriend, she opened the glass windows and shot the crying girl two storeys below with deadly accuracy.

"Get your butt off the damn tree baka, and go do your homework," she ordered in monotone through the megaphone in her hand.

Down below, Mikan rubbed her sore head while complaining loudly, jilted out of her memories of him. The baka gun may shoot compressed air, but it still hurt like hell.

Ruka smiled at the girl as she returned to adjusting a blueprint.

"Really, if those guns were for sale, you would be a millionaire."

"I made my first million two years ago with Amanatsu."

"..Oh."

Ruka mentally reminded himself not to underestimate his girlfriend's resourcefulness.

…

**2 weeks before present day**

Coughing violently, his whole body shook with cold sweat.

Persona stared at the drops of blood that fell with mild disdain, before filling out the report on the clipboard.

Another failure.

Natsume sucked in the oxygen in the air greedily, clutching the iron bed frame in the plain white room. He continued writing. _Patient shows symptoms of oxygen deficiency, perhaps damage to respiratory system is sustained from Batch 043._

Glaring up balefully with hatred, he lifted himself onto the bed with exhaustion.

The ribs showed painfully on his abdomen, proof of his starvation ritual.

Closing his eyes briefly his imagination wondered back to her, and her smiling face.

He must endure this, he can't commit suicide.

He can't hurt himself, because it will make her sad.

"You may start eating from tonight onwards, as we've finished testing Batch 04."

His stomach growled angrily, but Natsume just silently turned to the plaster wall, trying to block out reality.

"Remember, cooperation is ideal. You wouldn't want any harm to befall your little girlfriend now, would you?"

Digging his fingernails into his palm in frustration, he answered with an angry silence.

Persona only smiled, before exiting the room silently.

It was infuriating.

He can endure weeks of starvation, endless days of pain and eating poison.

Because of her.

But now her life hangs on a thin thread, because of _him_.

And he hated himself for it.

Because once again, he would kill his the person he loved.

That night, the nightmare of fire returned again. And his hands began to itch once more for the glorious and warm fire.

…

1 week before present day

_He was running away, away from the yawning darkness. _

_Peering into the direction he was running to, he saw a blinding light, radiating warmth. _

_He started sprinting, flying towards the prick of sunshine. And suddenly the light rushed up to meet him, and he burst forth into the beyond. _

_With horror, he looked behind and stared into the lifeless eyes of Mikan, a bloody hole running across her abdomen. _

_And when it dawned him, that he was the one who killed her, he was the one that burst from inside her, he howled with pain. The fire approached, but he was not scared. _

_Standing up shakily, he stepped into the inferno._

Waking up with a jolt, wild red eyes searched the white room for combustible items, his fingers yearning to feel the burn.

The room was clean plaster, the floor a bleached carpet.

He gripped the equally white bed sheets with white knuckles, waiting for the wave of insanity to pass.

And when Persona came into the room again, with a new tray of carefully labelled experiments, Natsume knew he's slipping into the bottomless pit again.

…

**3 days before present day.**

She glanced up at the rainbow that stretched across the sky, wondering if he could see it too, not knowing that he had already fallen into the dark pit of insanity.

With a sigh, she picked up the novel and headed back to her room.

It was about to rain, after all.

…

**1 hour before present day**

With insanity came strength, and he flew past unfamiliar corridors, his instinct drawing him to the door and the delicious potential for the burning inferno that his mind itched for.

His hand was bloodied from the punch that crushed Persona's nose, leaving him unconscious, his muscles burning from continued days of no exercise.

But adrenalin was rushing through his bloodstream, and he knew with certainty that no force on earth, let along sleepy scientists or security guards can stop his path.

…

**30 min before present day**

Roused from sleep, Mikan with a yawn got up and looked from her small window to the dark night below.

What was all that shouting, the sirens, the bloody noise? She has a maths test tomorrow, and she wanted a decent night's sleep before failing!

As her eyes slowly adjusted, she focused on a plume of black smoke that emerged the treetops.

It was probably the seniors holding a bonfire night or something, she concluded.

Their major exams had ended just today, and many were out partying. It is their last week of school after all.

And therefore with last weeks comes pranks, such as putting chairs on the canteen roof, setting up a mannequin sculpture with tables and chairs in the middle of the quadrangle, or even cling wrapping the pergola with an abnormal amount of glitter.

Crawling back into bed, she pondered on some crazy ideas for her own graduation before falling back again into a dreamless sleep.

…

**20 min before present day**

He stared at the glowing fire, raging with the breezy night, flying east.

He smiled, deaf to yelling, sirens, and screams.

The smoke carried him up, and before he knew it, he was out of the pit and onto the solid ground of sanity.

And then did he realise: the fire was racing towards Mikan's dorm.

…

**10 min before present day**

She woke up again, sweating.

The screams were louder, and with horror, she realised something was very wrong.

Jumping out of bed, she shed her pyjama top in the heat, and looked again through her grimy window.

Flames licked up the base of the weatherboard building, people streamed out still in their sleepwear. Ambulances and fire trucks wailed, water pouring in vain onto the growing inferno.

With strength born from desperation she ran towards the door, yanking on the glowing metal doorknob before registering the searing hot metal.

Her hand throbbed, bringing tears to her eyes, but Mikan was already on autopilot.

Methodically, she ran to her window trying to pry it open but finding the window stuck.

Crying hysterically, she banged on the thick glass in vain.

She was trapped.

Shrinking back into the corner she sobbed, realising the death that awaited behind the searing hot doors.

The window was too small to fit her body through anyway. And she squeezed her eyes shut, burning her lungs with noxious fumes.

…

**15 seconds before Present day**

Growling in annoyance at the clearly too small window, he drew the prototype weapon from his pocket.

Natsume pulled the trigger, half remembering Ruka's awed description of the weapon, a significantly more powerful upgrade from the normal baka gun.

Although it still fired compressed air, not only is there more power behind each shot, the air have been super suppressed to an almost visible bullet.

Still leaning against the tree, Hotaru closed her eyes and listened with satisfaction as an awesome explosion coming from the east.

Her lips curved into a smile, glad that he had found her untested money bank in the form of a new weapon.

…

**1 minute later**

"…Natsume?"

He looked down at the girl in his arms as he slowly descended onto the ground.

"What?"

"I knew you would come."

"Idiot."

With a smile, Mikan closed her eyes, succumbing to exhaustion and unconsciousness.

…

**1 month later**

It was the first day of spring, a season of new beginnings and sunny, warm days.

Mikan sat glumly on the edge of her bed, glaring angrily at the cloudless blue sky. _A day of new beginnings_, she thought venomously, _how contradictory. Natsume's one month anniversary of leaving Alice Academy to go to that stupid mental institute._

Glancing at the clock again, she started, before picking up her bag and racing out the front door.

Her floral pink clock faced the sun that was high in the sky, the two iron wrought hands overlapping each other, pointing to the heavens above.

Natsume paced around the fountain again.

She was late, even when he arrived half an hour late.

It was almost tradition, to estimate how late she would be each time.

He glanced at his watch again, impatiently.

The digital numbers blinked back at him: 12.17pm.

"Sorry!"

Looking up, he smiled at her laboured breathing, her hair slightly windswept and her cheeks tinged pink.

"Don't worry, I only waited 2 minutes."

"But you told me to come at 11.45!"

"I came half an hour late."

Gaping, she sat down onto the wide lip of the fountain, fuming.

"And I rode as fast as I could here! I was nearly run over twice!"

Nodding his head as if in agreement, Natsume said sombrely, "To think how you survived those 11 years of your life without me to steer you from an imminent death."

Smacking him in the head with her handbag, Mikan sprang back up and took his hand.

"Well, standing here all day won't buy Hotaru and Ruka's 1 year anniversary party supplies. Let's go!"

Still grumbling, Natsume winced as he rubbed his head.

"What the hell do you keep in that miniscule thing, woman?"

"Oh, the usual things. A brick or two, maybe some iron and lead weights, and usually a poodle or a Chihuahua."

Smiling, he easily caught up to her quick pace, both laughing as they walked the busy streets of Tokyo.

…

"They're planning something," Hotaru said suspiciously.

Ruka looked over his plate of vegan pizza to the frowning woman, picking at her seafood platter.

"How do you know?"

"Because they're not at the campus today."

"Well maybe they just want a day out. Natsume only returned just yesterday from his stint at the mental hospital."

Hotaru twitched her lips in an almost-smile.

"I think he would be a great psychiatrist, Mikan's hyper-awareness of everyone else's emotions is rubbing off on him."

Ruka laughed, choking on his drink.

"Oh God, what I would give to see the psychiatrists' and psychologists' face after he was done with them!" he grinned, before turning serious; "he still hasn't told Mikan yet, has he?"

Hotaru calmly ate another piece of crab, before insulting in monotone, "Stupid, dense coward. If he doesn't tell her today, I'm marching over and telling her myself."

"No," Ruka said in defence of his best friend, "he will. He always keeps to his promises."

…

"I have something to tell you."

Mikan set down the numerous plastic bags filled with food and plastic cutlery, and sat with a sigh onto the park bench while licking her pistachio ice cream.

"Don't let me stop you then."

He silently sat down beside her, before getting straight to the point.

"I'm going to move to London in 2 weeks because Cambridge University gave me a scholarship to study psychology there for 3 years."

Dripping onto her lap, her ice cream melted into her jeans. Mikan was too stunned to notice. Waiting a minute for the news to sink in, he broke the silence.

"Because of my new apparent genius, Alice Academy also granted me 100,000 yen as an award for getting in, their first student to have done so, even though I wasn't really an official student. So yesterday I bought a webcam and a headset for your laptop so we can videochat, if you want."

"Videochat…" Mikan echoed hollowly.

With a sigh, Natsume leaned over and licked her melting ice cream, snapping her out of her astonishment.

"I can't see you for another 3 years…" she concluded vacantly, before suddenly turning to him.

"You can't be my date for the Year 12 Formal!"

Natsume groaned, tipping his head back.

"I tell you I'm leaving you for 3 years and the first thing you think of is not having a date for the Year 12 Formal??"

Blushing, she pouted.

"Well, suddenly spouting out that you're leaving me to go to another country for 3 years does wonders for my brain capacity."

"Do you want me to lull you into a false sense of security first with 10 minutes more minutes of shopping or something?"

"No," she sighed before bursting into tears.

With a tired smile, he took out a handkerchief and carefully wiped away her tears.

"At least you're showing the normal signs of reaction."

Hiccupping, she tried to smile, but only succeeded in bawling out more tears.

"A-at least you haven't b-broken my brain with information o-overload."

Pulling her into his arms, he inhaled the strawberry shampoo scent of her hair as she thoroughly drenched his shirt.

"S-sorry. I should be h-happy."

"Idiot, if you were happy, I'd accuse you of cheating on me," he reprimanded.

"Well, I'm effing heartbroken, so you should be over the moon," she sobbed half-angrily.

Smirking, he replied, "Forget the moon darling; I'm over the asteroid belt already."

"I would be angry, except I have no idea where the asteroid belt is, so just let me wallow in self-pity now."

Rocking her gently, he hummed while she cried, neither caring as they attracted numerous curious glances and shocked glares.

Because it was the first day of spring, and spring meant new beginnings, and letting go of your past.

...

**2 weeks later.**

Tomorrow he would leave, so he really did leave this til the last minute.

He has always been a coward, always been petrified of confronting his past.

Sliding into the vacant car park, Natsume took a deep breath, inhaling the air that swept past the wide open space.

The sun was low, another reminder of his undeniable procrastination.

He smiled.

After all, he nearly didn't go, but for Mikan, who had relentlessly pestered him til he agreed.

It was a small church cemetery out of the way and dotted with crucifixes and rounded headstones.

Natsume scanned the small space before pondering how people always seemed to be able to find a gravestone in a cemetery.

With small hesitant steps he traced the well worn central path, scanning the passing dates.

Of course.

It would be in chronological order.

A little more confidently he stopped at a row, featuring the same markings of 1998.

They were plain crucifixes of white marble, unadorned except for their name and dates.

Standing like small sentinels, the three nearly identical markers cast their shadows at Natsume's feet.

He silently crouched down, laying the three bouquets of white lilies at their base.

And for a moment, he cried silently, guilt welling up in his eyes.

_Always cry, because all your sad feelings will be washed out with your tears._

When he stood up 5 minutes later, he remembered belatedly the little truism Mikan had once said.

_Thank you, Mum…_

_ Dad…_

_ Aoi._

_**owari.**_

* * *

Oh, Natsume becomes an even psychologist who likes to torture people with their problems. And then he becomes a defence attorney, after his mid-life crisis because he has no morals, and, um, marries Mikan and lives a normal life. The Academy's experiments were found out, and they had to compensate him so now he's really really rich, not like he isn't already earning $100 per hour asking people 'how do you feel about this?'. And um getting rapists and murderers out of jail too. As a defence attorney. He really is the worst. lol.

**oh yeah…**

*Equivalent Exxhange- A version of the Law of conservation of Mass, or the first law of thermodynamics. Whatever goes in, the equal amount should come out. Fullmetal Alchemist applied this theory to everyday life. The main character using it as his philosophy. Natsume read FMA because he reads manga, Mikan read it because she liked to gawk over Ed's hawt body. Hey, I did try to portray them somewhat semi realistically, so yes, Mikan is very similar to other girls her age. Actually she was 11, but Ed was only 12 at the start of the manga anyway. ^^

**Orange blossoms- I meant the fruit orange, not the colour. They are white, btw. Funny if orange flowers are actually orange…

I'll post the bloopers/random scenes that never made it up sometime in the future...


	3. Bloopers

These are the scenes that did not make it because: I can't be bothered to finish the scene, it doesn't fit with the plotline, the characters are too OOC, or a bit of everything. So they're basically humorous (well most) little unfinished scenes in the same timeline as Psychosis. ^^ *imagines Otaku!Natsume* *bursts into laughter*

* * *

"Hey, have you noticed how Hotaru smiles more often these days?"

Mikan looked inquisitively at her boyfriend, who was lying in the sun with volume 12 of _the Law of Ueki _blocking the light from his eyes.

"Wow, you actually noticed, airhead," he replied lazily, pulling Mikan's body closer.

She pouted, and poked at the colourful manga cover in protest.

"Of course I noticed! I'm not _that_ oblivious!" she went on, "but since you seems to know everything, do you know why?"

"You really _are_ oblivious. His name ends with 'a'."

The girl pondered on the clue, trying to ignore the drowsiness that set in. It really was a beautiful summer day.

"Is it Tobita-kun? Except I always thought he was a girl at first… hehe…"

Natsume decided that his girlfriend must have been blind. It's impossible for someone to be that unobservant.

"His _first_ name ends with 'a'."

Her eyes snapped open in shock.

"My God, it can't be Tsubasa-senpai, could it?"

"And it starts with an 'R'."

Screwing her eyes up in desperate thinking, it wasn't long before she waved a white flag.

"I give up."

Smirking, he whispered, "Ok then. I guess you'll never know."

Frustrated, Mikan deftly stole the battered volume 12, and proceeded to hit his head with it.

"Tell me! Or I'm _not_going to that anime marathon this weekend."

She knew that Natsume had been dying to force her to watch one of his favourite anime, Fullmetal Alchemist, so that he can adequately complain to her about all the plot points that Bones managed to completely screw up. Really, sometimes she wondered if Natsume only wanted her around to vent to.

He threw his arms up in defeat.

"Fine, fine! It's Ruka."

"What? But… she always blackmails him!"

"My dear baka-chan," he lectured, "there is an extremely fine line between love and hate."

She grinned before standing up, announcing, "Ok! I'll go over and tell Ruka to ask her out now!"

He groaned, and flopped back down, before bursting her bubble.

"Hotaru would kill you if you interfered."

Scowling, Mikan sat down.

"But it'll take _eons _for Ruka to build up enough courage to ask someone as scary as Hotaru out! I mean, if you took a week, then he'll take at least a year."

Pulling her onto his lap, he argued, "But you should have some faith in him. He really likes her, and I think he can already see past her scariness. Besides, if he's too scared to ask her out, he won't be right for her."

Mikan started to nod, but (A/N: yup, I stopped in the middle of a sentence)

**

* * *

**

TAKE 2

"You like him, don't you?" Ruka asked wearily.

Mikan hesitated. Her boyfriend sighed in mild annoyance.

"You would say no regardless of the truth. So how about I say that we should break up?"

She opened her mouth in protest, but kindly shut up at a wearied look from Ruka.

"You're an open book, Sakura Mikan. And you know," he added cheerfully, "you ought to thank me. But then again I'm doing this for my best friend too."

Ruka quickly brushed his lips upon hers before running away, before he can change his mind. _I'm so damn sick of being the third wheel._

………………………………………………………………………

**A month from present day**

Natsume gestured to the 45 inch plasma screen in his bedroom, displaying, in one of his rare moments, agitation and frustration.

"See?! See how damn stupid the plot is? I mean, nothing even makes sense!"

Mikan nodded tiredly, almost falling asleep. In fact, she _had _fallen asleep, missing 2 or 3 episodes. But then again, there are so many fillers it really didn't make much of a difference.

Natsume ranted on, unaware of his girlfriend's lack of attention.

"They don't even outline _why _the Homunculi are named after the Seven Deadly Sins! And what is _with_ Lust randomly being pinned up over the fireplace like some damned painting? And what's with the random 'oh lets let Ed go to post World War 1 Germany!' It even _sounds_ crap! And the movie made absolutely _no sense_ whatsoever! And what's with Mustang's eye-patch? Did they think this was the Pirates of the Caribbean or something? And-"

Natsume suddenly stopped, realising that she was already asleep. Smiling wearily, he gently laid her body in a comfortable position on top of his king-sized bed and paused the screen, pausing the screen on the particularly gruesome scene of the dying Wrath, with the blood drenched mortally obese Gluttony perched on top.

"Mikan?" he whispered.

Her drowsy voice replied, "Urgh… please… I can't handle anymore anime," she glared at him with a bloodshot eye, "you said that it would be nice to spend some time together, and instead you ditched me for your TV. Just let me sleep…"

She rolled over, before Natsume held her up and kissed her. Mikan melted, and instinctively buried her hands into his messy black hair.

He whispered, "I never said that the TV was more interesting than you, did I?"

"Mmph"

….

**3 months**

"There's something they're not telling us."

Hotaru rolled her eyes at her boyfriend, before returning to pulling apart an old computer moniter.

"No shit, Sherlock. They haven't spoken a word to each other in a _month_."

"Well," he replied defensively, "all couples have arguments. I mean, it's not like it's uncommon for them to not speak to each other. They fight all the time!"

"Yes," she sighed, "but not over something that will drive Mikan to tears. She's been crying herself to sleep most nights."

Ruka frowned.

"Wait, how do you know?"

"Cameras. Microphones. Bugs. I've kept my eye on her ever since she started going out with Hyuuga."

"Isn't that an invasion of privacy?" he objected.

"Not when her boyfriend was clinically insane and diagnosed with pyromania."

"Natsume won't hurt her!"

Rolling her eyes, she carefully unscrewed a silicon piece, mapped with wire and transmitters.

"Naivety is for six year olds, Ruka, not sixteen year olds."

"Natsume won't hurt her," he repeated with determination, before conceding, "well not intentionally anyway."

"That's _exactly_ the point. I do not doubt his commitment towards her, I doubt his self-control."

Slumping back onto the polished floorboards of Hotaru's lab, he sighed.

"And I thought she had cured him…"

* * *

"Let's go to an anime convention!"

"Forget _you_ committing suicide, why don't _I_ do it for you?"

"Can you cosplay as Maka Alburn? Pleeease?"

"Hell no."

*tackle and kiss*

"Oh god, fine. Who knew under the indifferent exterior is a crazy anime fanatic?"

"Only you, of course. I'll cosplay Soul, if you cosplay Maka. Or I can cosplay Edward and you can do Winry. Or I'll do Hitsugaya and you can do- no your boobs aren't big enough. You can do Hinamori."

"Hey!"

"What?"

"I am _not_ that flat!"

"You are too. Now maybe you can cosplay C.C. or Kallen- no, you're too flat for her too. Do you think I should do Lelouch or Suzaku?"

"Maybe you should do Zero from Vampire Knight, you always seem to be high on drugs anyway. And I'm _not_ flat!"

"What a good idea! And you can be Yuuki! But maybe I should do Kaname- no I always hated him. What the-"

"See? I'm size C12. I'm not that flat."

*tackle and kiss*

"You are insane."

"I think we've already covered that. Don't forget a pyromaniac too."

"Why did I go out with you?"

"Because you love me. Now shut up."

"Mmph."

…………..

**1 week later**

She was barely containing her excitement, giggling quietly behind the couch. Natsume considered his various options of shutting her up, but decided that Hotaru probably knew what they were planning at least a week in advance. The darkened room belied its wealth of shiny streamers and banners, and all was quiet…except for Mikan's whispered giggling. He wonders why he loved her again, and couldn't really come up with a single reason. The tension in the room suddenly shot up 10 meters as the door creaked, then voices floated through the opening.

"Tell me!"

Hotaru's monotone sounded bored.

"Look, it's going to make everyone happier if you don't know."

Frustrated, Ruka swung open the door.

"You really are e-"

Mikan was the first to burst from her hiding spot, unable to restrain her enthusiasm anymore. Everyone followed suit, and Ruka was instantly blinded by searing light.

"HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!"

Hotaru smiled as Mikan bounced over to grip Ruka in a hug, while Anna, Yuu, Nonoko, Mochu, Koko, Kitsuneme and Shouda lit sparklers and popped streamers. Natsume turned on the music, and a cow and a horse somehow trampled into the room. (A/N: and it went to scraps after the last sentence)

* * *

**Happy Apocalypse Day** for the 23/9/09, because Australia was covered in red cellophane yesterday^^.

Natsume: OMFG FMA IS ABOUT TO END AND *foams at mouth*

Mikan: and I'm going out with an anime fanatic with rabbies. I knew it, underneath the indifferent exterior is an otaku. No wonder he spends 24/7 with his head buried in a manga.

Natsume: *raves on*

QueenTiria: This is what a normal person should behave like who spends as much time being depicted reading manga as he does, but then again, it'll ruin his reputation. I guess not...


End file.
